On Ex-spouse
For years I have been thinking what it means to have an ex-spouse. The definition about someone having an ex-spouse is that it (to avoid the cumbersome way to claim gender neutrality in English，I’d rather use “it” to refer to both animate and inanimate objects) used to be married，but this definition tells us nothing about its conceptualization of its ex-spouse and its previous marriage. It is only a statistical concept，counting the number of spouses one may have had.
Recently I visited quite some yard sales and I suddenly realized that an ex-spouse was something that one put a price tag on on weekends. Like the various household items that one sells at yard sales，an ex-spouse still alive is something that has been part of the family but is now obsolete. It has been used in the family and has also used the owner (Do not we feel tired after taking care of our possessions for a long time? We have used our possessions，and we have been used by them，too). Now time has come when both sides feel the monotony in each other and they decide to hold a yard sale. The purpose of yard sales is to clean up the mess accumulated in years of alliance，so that one knows in fact something is always discardable and the alliance can be dissolved.
Yard sale is a process. Not everything goes at the first attempt. When time is not up and no transaction can be made and the owner has to put up with longer time of being tied with its possessions. The owner，however，will try time and again to sell the old stuff until finally there is a buyer. Great relief is often the feeling accompanying such a success.
From the time the idea of holding a yard sale is conceived，the mutual resentment between a person and the stuff it wants to get rid of gradually develops. But such resentment is not hate. In fact，the long time household items，decorations，books，sheets，furniture，whatever，have been used to such an extent that there is always a tender feeling between the owner and the owned. The resentment comes not from the detest of the stuff that is meant to go，but from the fact that it takes time and when one attempt fails，the owner cannot just throw it away. This is because it has some value and has to be kept for another try. This value comes from the tender feelings the owner has towards the owned. Value is an idealistic construction. Before a thing changes hands，the value that is put on it is purely the one-sided wishful thinking of the owner. This distinguishes yard sale objects from garbage. No one has any tender feelings towards garbage，which is thrown away immediately. Yard sale objects cling to the owner until a final severing of the tie is materialized.
Sometimes，one may regret having sold a particular object at the yard sale. Our feelings towards our ex-spouses are just the same. We may regret having let them go. But this regret is often a feeling that is developed when the void left by the ex-spouse has not been filled. Often when one tries to reclaim its ex-spouse，it will find that what has been let go indeed deserves the treatment. The initial feeling is the most accurate and reliable.
People go to yard sales even when they themselves have lots of stuff to discard. The grass beyond the fence is always greener. Other people’s spouses always seem better than the one at home waiting for its chance to be liquidated. The yard sale is a big circulation of used goods. Through this circulation，people develop a sense of community. The situation is much the same as when divorced people come together and find that they share a common language.
Ex-spouses are constantly circulated in the numerous yard sales of life.
论前配偶
一个人有过配偶，现在就是说有前配偶，到底是什么意思？ 关于这个问题我想了很多年。说这个人过去是有配偶的并不能告诉我们这个人对前配偶和前婚姻怎么理解。它只是一个统计意义上的概念，用来统计一个人有过的配偶。
最近常常去院售，突然认识到前配偶就是我们周末的时候标价出售的东西。就像院售里的东西一样，尚在世的前配偶就是家庭的一部分，而现在过期了。它在家里已经被我们用过了，也已经用过了我们（我们对于家里的东西不是一样么？ 我们不是厌倦照顾它们了么？我们使用了我们的东西，我们的东西也使用了我们）。现在是到了彼此生厌的时候了，双方都决定办一个院售。院售的目的是清理多年的乱麻，好知道原来生活的联盟中有些东西是可以丢掉的，那个联盟也是可以解散的。
院售是一个过程。并不是所有的东西都能一次卖光。时候不到，买卖不成，主人就得忍着点，和它的财产多待一些时间。可是主人会一而再，再而三地办院售卖掉旧物，直到找到买主为止。成功之后的感觉就是大大地松了一口气。
从有了办院售的想法起，一个人和它的所有物之间的互相厌烦就渐渐开始了。这种厌烦并不是仇恨。事实上，家里年深日久的用品，装饰物、书籍、床单、家具什么的，用了很长的时间，在主人和东西之间会有一种温存的感情。这种厌烦不是来自对要处理的东西本身的讨厌，而是因为处理的过程需要时间，一次失败，主人不能简简单单地把东西扔掉了事，因为那东西还是有价值的，应该留到下次院售。东西的价值来自主人对东西的温存之心。这里的价值是一种主观构成。东西没有易手之前，加在东西上的价值纯粹是主人的一厢情愿。这种感情把院售之物和垃圾区别开来。垃圾是马上可以扔掉的东西。院售之物在没有最终与主人切断关系之前，总是要粘着主人的。
有的时候，一个人会后悔在院售上卖掉了某个物件。我们对于前配偶的感觉也是如此。我们会后悔让她/他们离去了。但是这种感觉往往是在前配偶留下的空白还没有得到填补的时候产生的。当一个人企图找回前配偶的时候，常常会发现它就值得原先的对待。最初的感觉是最准确可靠的。
人们即使自己家里的东西汗牛充栋，也会去逛院售。篱笆那边的草总是比自家的绿。别人的配偶总是比自己那个待机而沽的强。院售是旧物的大流通，在这种流通中，人们得到一种彼此互相有联系的感觉。这正像离了婚的人走到一起时会有共同语言。
在生活的大院售中，前配偶在不断地流通着。
1998年英文，2002年翻译。2005年修改， 2024校对