信还是不信？
一个北京的朋友和先生住在俄勒冈州， 给先生当陪读。 一天她打电话给我说有人找他们叫他们信教。 她对这种事情拿捏不准， 想听听我的意见。 她还说她妈让她别跟教会的人近乎。
我这时才意识到在中国很多普通百姓的心里， 还存在着对基督教的怀疑。 我原来以为现在不信教的人单单就是不理会教会罢了，他们倒不一定会害怕有传教士找他们传教。他们一般也就是觉得那是一种他们不想选择的生活方式罢了。我朋友的话让我看到一般人对基督徒的怀疑态度。现在我明白了为什么另外一个朋友在中国信了教以后，宁可对周围的人保密。
也许是因为我在中国的时候就对教会有兴趣并且多次去教堂， 我觉得信上帝就像选择怎么度假一样普通。当然可能没有那么容易， 因为要信教的人必须在受洗之前考虑好每一种道德上的承诺。正是因为如此，我觉得我永远不会信教。问我为什么，我说有机会的话我还想放纵自己。
教会对我来说是一个有着我所感兴趣的多种社会功能的地方。它也是美的所在。我喜欢教会的音乐和仪式。我喜欢唱一些圣歌。教会里也可以听到一些不错的道德教诲。抛开宇宙之中（或者宇宙之外，因为宇宙也是上帝造的）有没有一个全能的上帝不谈，圣经里的一些说法确实能指导人的精神生活。
当然我也喜欢有的时候教会办的聚餐。 吃饭以前的祷告教导人们应当对自己的所有的一切知恩感德，并且不要贪婪。对于这样的宗教，我们为什么要持怀疑态度呢？
大陆社会里对教会的怀疑可能有两个来源。 一个是19世纪末20世纪初的反基督教情绪。另一个是1949年以后共产主义的教育，或者两者兼而有之。这种怀疑是一种文化上的怀疑，就是认为基督教是洋教，会让人误入歧途。那时候基督教被认为是异端邪说。这种怀疑一般存在于社会地位较低，对基督教没有足够接触的人们当中。教育水平较高的人有更多的机会了解教会，决定要不要入教。
在基督教国家，教会之于社会，就如同在中国，党支部之于社会。如果你把传教士看成支部书记，他们来找你的时候你就不会紧张了。
有的时候，传教士比支部书记还要好。我在贝勒大学的那年，有一对老夫妇在学校做传教工作。 有一个中国女生需要看牙，但是又没有什么钱，因此要想办法省钱。 老太太莉比就带她去找一个莉比的朋友介绍给她的牙医（谁说美国不需要关系？）有一天，我陪那个女孩去看牙。莉比开车开了很远的路送我们去。路上有时候我觉得莉比开车不稳。可能是因为她年龄太大了。不管怎么说， 我对她这种无私的帮助很感动。在中国，我想一个那么大年龄的党支部书记不会劳动自己把一个年轻女孩送到医院去，除非那个书记是男的而女孩又很漂亮。不过我要声明，我可不是说党支部书记都是好色的。
可是有的时候， 我很害怕那些咄咄逼人的传教士。有一次， 我打了个800号码，索要一本詹姆斯王版的圣经。打完以后，有两个 衣着整洁， 头发梳理的很好的年轻人来找我。他们穿的都是一样：白衬衫、 领带、皮鞋。他们步行了很长一段路来学校找我，跟我谈了一个小时为什么信上帝很要紧。他们给了我那本圣经，外加一本摩门经。他们离开的时候， 说还要来找我。我后来一直想方设法躲着他们。
我相信如果传教士们多做些世俗的工作，可能会赢得更多的人，尽管那些人可能不会决定信教。 信教是一种灵魂的改造，对于严肃的人来说，不是那么容易的事。太多的压力只能把人吓跑。
我们为何不能把禅的概念用于基督教， 说基督无所不在呢？只要你有意去体验基督教的真理，你就能得到，不管你去不去教会，不管你受不受洗。基督是禅。基督是道。基督是普世的全在。这样想，我们不经过那些仪式也可以感受真理。信者心也，非身也，虽然我们不排除身的信。为了灵魂的得救，我们不必使自己脱离世俗的世界。
1996-97
2024/9/2校
Believe Or Not to Believe?
A friend in Beijing now lives in Oregon with her husband, who studies in a university there. One day she called me and told me that they had been approached by some people who wanted them to believe in God. She was not very sure about this kind of things and wanted to know my opinion. She also mentioned that her mother in Beijing had warned her not to get close to church people.
I did not realize until then that in the mind of the ordinary people in China there is still a strong suspicion of Christianity. I had thought that nowadays, those people who do not want to believe in God just turn their backs to the church and will not necessarily feel frightened by approaching missionaries. They normally regard it as an alternative they do not want to have. My friend’s concern reminded me of the presence of public suspicion of Christians. Now I understand why another friend of mine who accepted God in her life prefers to keep it in secrecy from other Chinese around her.
Maybe it is because I have had some interest in the church for a long time and have visited church services many times while I was in China that I have come to take it for granted that deciding to believe in God is as natural a thing as making a decision about one’s holiday. Of course it may not be that easy, for if one is serious, she will have considered every moral obligation before getting baptized. It is because of this that I never think I can be converted. Asked why, I would say I am a man who still want to sin if there is a chance.
Church for me is mainly an institution serving many social functions that I am interested in. It is also a location of beauty. I like the music and like watching the service. I like singing some of the songs. It is also a place where one can get some good moral teaching. Putting aside the question if there is an omnipotent God out there in the universe (or outside the universe, for the universe is also His creation), some of the teachings in the Bible can indeed provide some guidance to one’s spiritual life.
Of course I also like the food provided free on some occasions. The pray before eating teaches people to learn to be grateful for what they have and never to be greedy. Why should we be suspicious of such practices?
The suspicion of the church in mainland China may have come from two sources. One is the historical source of anti‑Christian sentiment in the late 19th century and early 20th century. Another is the communist education after 1949. As the mother of my friend is concerned, I believe her suspicion mainly came from the former, or both. This is a cultural suspicion based on the belief that Christianity is a foreign cult that can lead one astray. It was considered a heresy during that time. Such suspicions normally exist among people of lower social status who are not much exposed to Christianity. Better educated people will be able to have more chances to know the church and decide if they want to get involved.
In Christian countries, the church is to society as the communist party branches are to society in China. If you think that the missionaries are just party secretaries, you will feel at ease when they approach you.
Sometimes missionaries are even better than party secretaries. Last year in Baylor University, there is a couple of senior citizens who worked in the Student Ministry. When one Chinese girl needed to fix her tooth, and wish to save as much as possible because she was not financial well off, Libby, the wife, took her to a dentist whom she came to know through another friend (who says in American you do not need connections?). One day I accompanied the Chinese girl to the dentist. Libby drove us a long way. On the way, I sometimes felt that she had a little difficulty in control her big car. Maybe it is because of her age. Anyway I felt moved for her help which was not motivated by any selfish interests. In China, I do not think a party secretary of that age would care to take a young girl to a hospital, except, maybe, that the secretary happens to be a male and the girl happens to be very pretty. But I must say I am not hinting that party secretaries are all interested in pretty girls.
Sometimes however, I am afraid of aggressive missionaries. Once, after I called a 800 number to ask for a King James Bible, I was approached by two well groomed young missionaries who were dressed exactly alike: white shirt, tie, and leather shoes. They walked a long way to my campus to meet me and talked for an hour about the importance of accepting God. They gave me the Bible plus a Book of Mormon. When they left, they promised to call me again. Since then I have been trying every means to avoid them.
I believe that if missionaries do more secular work, they can win more followers even though these people may not decide to be converted. Conversion is a soul change that is not so easy to the serious people. Too much pressure will only scare people away
Why can’t we apply the concept of Zen to Christianity and say that Christ is everywhere. As long as you consciously try to experience the Christian truth, you will have it, no matter if you go to the church or if you get baptized or not. Christ is Zen. Christ is the Way. Christ is universal, omnipresent. Thinking like this, we may still feel the truth without going through all the rituals. The conversion is in the heart, not in the body, although we do not rule out body conversion. We do not need to elevate ourselves away from the worldly universe in order to be saved spiritually.