22 Jun 1998 12:21:26
Laughable and Hateable Cultural Differences
By Lan Yu
It was 2 o’clock in the morning. I heated my “supper” when I came back from the university and started to eat，sitting on a couch in the lounge. A tenant，a local guy in the house where I lived， thin and tall and usually acquiescent，was watching a cartoon on TV. Suddenly he jumped up and mumbled something in confused syllables. Many paralingual clues however indicated to me that he was making a protest，so I asked “what?” Seeing that he had caught my attention，he said angrily，staring at me，“chewing with your mouth open! It is considered RUDE to chew with your mouth open!” After articulating these protests，he disappeared as quickly from the lounge as if he was avoiding a disease，without giving me a minute to speak for myself.
This is the first time since I came to North America in 1995 that I was told not to chew with my mouth open. I had eaten in front of many people with many cultural backgrounds and I do not think that that morning my eating habit was anything different from my usual way and yet I invited a protest from a self claimed representative of a culture that thinks chewing with mouth open is almost a taboo.
I have always been aware of this custom however，only that I do not give it a damn，for I consider eating with closed mouth an absurd self constraint that deprives the diner the pleasure of free facial movement. Eating for me is totally a self gratification，not a moment to please the society. I see nothing wrong in eating with a noise or eating like a pig，as long as it satisfies the appetite.
Before I moved into this house，I had lived in a house where there are some Butanese students. The Butanese foodway is basicaly oriental. They like rice and spicy food as the Chinese do. The only difference between their way of eating and the Chinese way is that they like to use fingers to take up the food，even when they are eating rice. At first I felt rather uncomfortable seeing their fingers churning the rice and vegetable in the plates，and becoming shiny with oil. I was especially uncomfortable when I saw the contrast between the dark skin of the fingers and the white rice. But as time went on，I found myself doing the same from time to time，eating rice with my fingers，and I found it very convenient and gratifying!
One thing about the North American way of eating that makes a Chinese feel sitting on pins and needles is that they clean their oily fingers with their tongues when they use their hands to tear apart chicken or bony meat. “Do not eat your fingers!” is a first class in the life of a Chinese kid. Yet gradually，I also learned to do the same and I found it very convenient and gratifying!
Once I watched a Japanese movie on TV. A female teacher was teaching a class of girls the “civilized way” of eating spaghetti (The Chinese call it Italian noodle). The etiquette is the Western one: you insert your fork，turn it around until you have your Italian noodles round your fork and you carefully deliver the whole bundle into your mouth，making sure that not a single piece of the noodle is dangling from your mouth. Then，of course，you are supposed to chew without your mouth open and without making any noise. It turned out，however，that the girls had great difficulty complying with this civilized food way and they finally all started the Japanese，and also the Chinese，way: sucking the noodle into their mouths and drinking the soup from their plates without using spoons，with audible noise of course. The teacher，a western lady，herself eventually followed suit.
From my experience and the amusing scene in the movie I conclude that human nature has a tendency towards freedom and self satisfaction. One will not go up stream if he/she can drift down with pleasure and safety. Eating without making noise is totally an upstream thing，a residue of the Western upper class social etiquette. I simply do not see it as practical and useful in today’s democratic societies. When I watch someone chewing with his/her mouth tightly shut，I cannot but think of a senile toothless lady working on her daily necessities with pain.
The Western culture is very particular about concealing bodily functions. Anything that reminds us that we are still not far from our animal ancestors should be shunned. Bodily noise is one of such things. No matter what produces the noise，whether speaking or natural movement of bodily parts，the noise should be kept low and away from the public. They apologize when they sneeze，belch or pass wind. They gap the mouths of their babies with plastic nipples，making their babies think that they are sucking the mothers’ milk and do so accordingly，using up their digestive saliva simply for the sake of public politeness.
This public politeness actually implies a rude intolerance of bodily noise. I especially hate hearing people say “bless you!” repeatedly as someone nearby sneezes repeatedly. It is no different as saying:” you better leave this place!”
Different cultures have different notions of politeness. I find it intolerable to see that some students can walk into the classroom without knocking at the door or apologizing to the teacher when they are considerably late. I find it incomprehensible that some students can put their feet on the back of the seats in front of them or eat and drink，when attending lectures. In my house，some guys will not make the slightest move when they were lying on the couch watching TV and someone else comes into the lounge and needs a place to sit down.
As this society is becoming increasingly multicultural，we have to learn how to cope with cultural differences and to be able to tell what is universally considered impolite and rude and what is cultural specificity. For those who come to North America to study，live or work，it is important for them to learn to appreciate the North American cultural ways ，such as cleaning fingers with tongues or holding the door for someone behind them，but it should not be considered an obligation to follow everything that is considered “civilized” in this world，for in today’s societies，it is not even necessary to speak Roman while in Rome.
吃相
方壶斋
我在加拿大念书的时候，有一天凌晨两点钟，我从学校回来，在炉子上热了我的“晚饭”，坐在客厅的长沙发上开始吃起来。住在房子里的另一个房客，一个瘦高挑，平时不太响的当地人正在看一个动画片。他突然跳起来，嘟嘟囔囔地说了些什么。我虽然没有听懂，但是从他的体态语言看，我知道他是在抗议什么。我就问了一句：“怎么啦？”他盯着我，愤怒地说：“张着嘴嚼！太不礼貌了！”说完之后他就象逃避瘟疫一样很快地溜走了。我连开口的机会都没有。
这是我到北美以来第一次有人这样说我。我在来自不同文化背景的人面前吃过饭。我相信我那天早上的吃相没有什么不同，然而我却招来了一个自命代表那个视开口嚼饭为忌禁的文化的人的指责！
对于北美人嚼饭不张嘴的习惯我是知道的，不过一个人的时候我真不买它的帐。我认为这样做无疑剥夺了吃饭时候脸部肌肉的自由运动，是一种荒唐的自我节制。在我看来，吃饭完全应该是一种自我满足的过程，而不是讨好别人的机会。吃饭的时候出声音，或者象猪一样大嚼特嚼，只要是让我们的胃口愉快，根本就没有什么错。
我搬到这个房子里之前，住在另一个房子里，其中住了一些布丹学生。布丹人吃的东西和我们差不多，也喜欢米饭和辛辣的调料。不同的是他们喜欢用手抓饭吃。开始我看着他们的手指头在米饭和菜里搅来搅去，弄得油光光的，觉得很不舒服。我看着白米饭和褐色的手指的对比，觉得更不舒服。可是没有多久，我就发现偶尔我也用手当筷子了，而且觉得非常方便惬意。
北美人有一种吃相，会让中国人坐不住，那就是用嘴清理撕扯肉食后油乎乎的手指。在中国，一个小孩子受到的最早的吃相训练就是“别吃手指！”但是不久我就学会了这种吃法，而且觉得很方便很惬意！
我看过一部日本电影，其中有一个场面，是女教师教学生们用叉子吃意大利面条。那吃法是把面条卷到叉子上，完全送进嘴里，不容一根面条荡在嘴外，然后闭着嘴慢条斯理地不出声地嚼碎后咽下去。
学生们学起这种文明吃法来别提多费劲了。她们最后索性按照日本方法，也是中国方法，吃起来：把面条一根根地嘬进嘴里，然后端起盘子把汤喝掉，根本没用勺子。老师，一个西方女士，自己最后也如法炮制了。
我自己的经验和这个电影都说明人的本性是求自由和自我满足的。但凡能够舒舒服服地顺流而下，他决不会逆流而上。吃饭不出声纯粹是逆流而上的举动，是西方上流社交场合礼仪的残余。我看不出它在当今的民主社会里有任何实用价值。我每看到紧闭着嘴嚼饭的人就难免不想到一个没了牙的老太太痛苦地完成着每日必需的任务。
西方文化特别讲究掩盖人的生理功能。任何提醒人们他们离自己的动物祖先不远的行为都在回避之列。身体发出的声音就是一类。不管声音的来源如何，是说话还是身体器官运动，都应该压低，远离众人。他们打喷嚏、打嗝、放屁时都要说道歉。他们用塑料奶头堵住孩子的嘴，宁可让孩子以为他们真是在吃奶而运动消化器官也不让他们在公共场合发出噪音。
这样讲求公共礼貌，我觉得实际上是对生理声音的粗暴压抑。我尤其讨厌听见别人对打喷嚏的人说：“平安！”打喷嚏难免一打再打，而听者则一说再说，难免让人觉得好象是说：“你最好找个地方打吧！”
不同的文化对于什么是礼貌有不同的看法。我认为上课好久以后迟到的学生不敲门也不道歉就大摇大摆地进教室是难以容忍的。我认为学生上课时把脚蹬在前面学生的椅子背上，或者吃吃喝喝是不可思议的。在我住的地方，有的房客躺在客厅沙发上看电视，当有人进来需要一个地方坐下时，他们连动都不动一下。这算什么文化的礼貌呢？
现在的社会日益多元化了。我们需要学习怎样应付文化差别，怎样区别什么是各种文化都接受的普遍的礼仪，什么是某种文化专有的礼仪。来到北美学习和工作的人们要学会欣赏北美的文化习俗，象嘬手指头，或者为身后的人扶着门。但是没有义务和必要遵循这个世界的每一种“文明”习俗，因为在今天的世界里，身在罗马都不必说罗马话了。
□ 寄自美国
刊登在 2002 华夏快递 kd020120.
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